On December 19, 2009 my husband
and I received some of the best news ever. We found
out we were having a baby. We were so ready for our
first OB/GYN appointment which was a little over a month
away. We went to our first appointment and everything
was fine although it was still a little early to hear
Braylen's heartbeat with the Doppler. We were still
happy to hear that so far everything was ok with our
baby. We finally had our first ultrasound, and
while we were there everything was fine. We set our
appointment for the anatomy screening for our baby.
We went in that morning and were extremely excited and
nervous to find out if we were having a boy or girl.
My husband swore the baby was a boy.
That morning in the Drs office,
I will never forget the ultrasound tech sat down and
started her scan and got extremely quiet after a few
minutes of scanning. She said she would be right back.
She then left the room for about 10 minutes. When she
came back in she said that the Dr. needed to speak with
us. Dr. Smith then came into the room and told us some
very shocking news. I was 18 weeks pregnant, and our
baby boy had almost no amniotic fluid around him, and
that his kidneys seemed deformed. She told us she wanted
to see us again in a month.
A month later we went back
and Braylen had no fluid around him at all, and as the
fluid was imperative to the development of his lungs,
she told us that if his lungs didn’t develop then
he would not live. We continued to have regular monthly
ultrasounds of Braylen and we were very hopeful that
he would live seeing as how at every ultrasound we were
told how much on track his growth and all of that was
so we were very hopeful.
In July I went to the Dr. to
get approval to go to the beach for the 4th of July
for a much needed vacation. While I was at the beach
I had to go to the hospital. While I was there I found
out that my blood pressure was way up. They sent me
home and told me to follow up with my Dr. once I got
home. The Sunday I got home was 10 days until my next
Drs. appointment so I figured that I would be ok to
wait until then to see the Dr. I went to the Dr. on
July the 15th for my routine monthly check up, and my
blood pressure was high again the Dr. proceeded to have
me stay and checked my blood pressure again an hour
later, at that point they sent me to the hospital.
Eight hours later my labor with
Braylen was induced. At that point my husband and I
had no idea what to think. We had made the decision
months ago to carry Braylen to term, to give him every
opportunity available to be ok and to live. Secretly
knowing in the back of our mind that no matter what
we did or didn’t do this was something that we
had no control of. After praying for months for a miracle
that we had no idea if we would receive, we realized
that in only a few short hours our baby would be here
and he would either live or die.
That has been one of the hardest
points so far. Right before I delivered, the Dr. asked
me if I wanted to have him placed on my stomach, and
for some reason I said no. I sit here on what would
be a happy day for most new parents. My baby boy is
2 months old today, but yet he isn’t here with
me. On July 15th, 2009 Braylen Alexander was born. A
few short hours later he was taken from my husband and
me as we were moved to another room on another floor
of the hospital. We were told that our son was gone
and that they needed to take him so we could be moved.
We found out almost a month later that our little boy
lived for 35 hours and we were only with him for maybe
4 of those hours at the most. I feel horrible to know
that my little boy lay there all by himself cold and
alone and slowly died.
My husband has asked me many
times what if his condition wasn’t as bad as they
told us in the beginning. What if by telling them not
to put a tube in his throat to help him try to breathe
was the wrong thing. I feel like being mad at the whole
world and me being a somewhat religious person I wonder
why God took my baby from me. I know people say things
like He sent His only Son here to die for everyone but
then again He also had His Son before and after that
point. What few short hours I had with my son I could
never forget but then I just don’t understand
it. We as parents aren’t programmed I guess you
could say to bury our children. Our children are supposed
to bury their parents. I can’t close my eyes without
seeing my perfect little boy. It’s been so amazing
that amount that he has changed my life and strengthened
mine and my husband’s relationship.
to Kidney Defect Stories
-The support, information and encouragement provided by the PPFL parents is not meant to take the place of medical advice by a medical professional. Any specific questions about care should be directed to a health care professional familiar with the situation.